Understanding Tantrums vs. Meltdowns: A Guide for Parents. By Jules Tushuizen
As parents and family members, witnessing our children's emotional outbursts can be challenging and confusing. Both are naturally occurring and yet they have very different approaches to support the child during this time. It's essential to understand the difference between tantrums and meltdowns to respond effectively and support our children through these moments. Here's a breakdown in simple terms:
Tantrums:
Emotional Response: Tantrums are typically emotional reactions to not getting what a child wants or needs.
Controlled Behavior: During a tantrum, children may exhibit intentional behaviors, such as yelling, crying, or stomping their feet, to express frustration or disappointment.
Duration: Tantrums usually have a shorter duration and may subside once the child's needs are met or the situation changes.
Triggers: Common triggers for tantrums include not getting a desired toy, being told "no," or sometimes feeling hungry or tired.
Signs of a Tantrum:
Child expresses specific wants or desires.
Behaviors may be attention-seeking or with an intention of getting something or getting away from something.
Child may be able to calm down relatively quickly with distraction or reassurance.
Meltdowns:
Sensory Overload: Meltdowns often occur in response to overwhelming sensory input or emotional dysregulation.
Loss of Control: During a meltdown, children may feel completely overwhelmed and lose control of their emotions and behavior.
Intensity: Meltdowns tend to be more intense and may involve uncontrollable crying, screaming, or physical aggression.
Duration: Meltdowns can last longer and may take time for the child to fully recover from the emotional overload.
Signs of a Meltdown:
Child appears overwhelmed and unable to communicate their needs.
Behaviors are often impulsive and may seem out of the child's control.
Child may appear ‘naughty’ or appear to not be listening, engaging in a behaviour to help regulate or calm themselves.
Child may need to move to a quiet, calm environment to de-escalate and regulate their emotions.
How to Respond:
Stay Calm: Remain calm and composed to provide a sense of security and stability for your child.
Offer Support: Validate your child's feelings and offer comfort and reassurance. I.e “you look hot and frustrated, that must be uncomfortable, let’s turn the lights down and get some ice blocks to cool down.”
Provide Space: If possible, create a safe space for your child to de-escalate and regulate their emotions. I.e “I’m just here and I’m giving you space to move however you need to. I’m going to move these blocks away and here is a weighted blanket if you like.”
Teach Coping Skills: Help your child learn coping strategies, such as deep breathing or counting to ten, to manage overwhelming emotions in the future. This last one will take time and is taught when the child is in a calm, learning state, not when they are dyregulated and in a meltdown state.
Conclusion:
Understanding the differences between tantrums and meltdowns can empower parents to respond empathetically and effectively to their children's emotional needs. By providing support and teaching coping skills, parents can help their children navigate challenging moments and build resilience for the future. Remember, patience and understanding are key ingredients in supporting our children through their emotional journeys.
